TWELFTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST
4th September 2011
Graphics and cartoons & liturgical material appear only in the printed version
LONGEVITY
A man went to the doctor with a severe pain in his belly. After innumerable tests, interminable interrogations and huge fees he was finally told that he was very ill indeed and had at most only a year to live. He decided to have a word with his wise old parish priest. After having explained his situation, he asked the parish priest if there was anything he could or should do. “What you should do is go out and buy a late seventies or early eighties Ford Ute,” said the priest. “Then go and get married to the ugliest and most foulest tempered old harridan of a woman you can find, buy yourselves an old camper-van, join the grey nomads and travel around Australia.” The man asked, “Will this help me live longer?” “No,” said the wise old priest, “but what time you do have, will seem like forever.”
THIS, THAT
AND THE OTHER (12)
Andrew Neaum
Last Sunday was our wedding anniversary. We celebrated it the night before with a succulent, though amusingly minuscule, rack of lamb. On the actual day, after peaceful services at Dookie and Katandra, we ate a picnic lunch on heavily lichened, granite boulders atop a hill that overlooked glorious countryside, a patchwork of golden canola and livid-green wheat paddocks. The sun was warm, the breeze cool and a flock of sheep baaed peacefully, apparently unaware or possibly just astonishingly forgiving of the previous evening’s rack of lamb.
After a short snooze lullabied by sheep song, we walked the Warbies, encountering on our way out and again on our way back, a large, ferocious looking goanna, and Diana was introduced to one of those fascinating hugger mugger clusters of spitfires on a small gum tree. They appeared to be spitting something rather more noxious than fire.
We then headed to Benalla for a splendid meal with Peter, Elizabeth, Nathan, Meg and Susan.
From then on it was all downhill. A week with two funerals as well as a whole day extracted for meetings in Wangaratta collected yet another funeral. It is hardly appropriate to complain though, it is, after all, what I am called to and paid for.
Matters monetary
What a pleasure to receive a condolence note from the Vet upon the death of Pippin. The pleasure was diluted somewhat by the enclosure with it of a bill for $320.
How delightful as well to chinwag with and open my mouth to the dentist for five minutes at a cost of $52 and with the promise of more action and many, many more dollars to come in a few week’s time. Interestingly, however, is that the charge of the dentist has not inflated too hugely over the years. $50 for five minutes is $10 a minute and 16 cents a second. About fifteen years ago it was 10 cents a second. This I know this because I celebrated it in a piece of aggrieved light verse as follows:
Ten Cents a Second! Flaming Hell!
With barefaced gall and practised ease,
My dentist, for his expertise,
At my last visit charged per second,
(I’ve worked it out, it’scarefully reckoned)
Ten cents!And with a smile as well.
Ten cents a second! Flaming hell!
So just a minute’s idle chat,
To laugh with me at this and that
Or sixty seconds idle patter
Or sixty seconds worth of chatter
Mean I’ve bid goodbye, farewell
To six good dollars! Flaming hell!
Meddling in an orifice
Shouldn’t cost as much as this,
For filling teeth and fitting dentures
Is hardly one of life’s great ventures!
Can scarcely cause a head to swell.
Ten cents a second! Flaming hell!
Viva boredom
A novel way of commending churchgoing to the reluctant could well be to talk up the value of boredom. Children these days are hugely intolerant of boredom. One of their greatest putdowns is to say “boring!” with the first syllable attenuated and given exaggerated emphasis. When not being ferried by car (because there could well be a paedophile behind every tree) to school, or ballet, or football, or music lessons, or tennis, or parties, or the cinema, they are glued to a mobile phone, games console or computer screen.
How unusual then, how novel, salutary and altogether beneficial must be a trip to church to be bored witless for an hour or more! It encourages the growth and development of the imagination. I have spent hours and hours of hours of my life in church. Many of those hours, I have to confess, bored me, but not witless or to tears, rather to the development of my imagination and a rich inner life!
I remember with great pleasure during one sermon on Tristan da Cunha, my brother and myself as little boys licking our black prayer books to make them shiny. We learned that it not only blackened our tongues and tasted not unpleasingly acrid, but that is also, eventually, bubbled and faded the prayer books to a most useful unsightliness which rendered them unattractive to the thousands of thieves so prone to and desirous of stealing Books of Common Prayer.
The greater the number of children in church, the more imperative it is that the priest be boring! All this bending over backwards to be stimulating, innovative, attractive, and relevant is to the detriment of little ones. Viva boredom!
The bell of Ararat
When I first arrived in Australia, about twenty six years or so ago, I spent three months as an assistant priest in the parish of which four years later I became Rector, Ararat. On my first morning I made my way over to church to say mattins and to celebrate the Eucharist with my Rector and a local retired priest. Before going in to church I automatically went over to the bell gantry and gave the big church bell thirty three good rings.
This was something I did with such meticulous regularity on the Island of St Helena that many islanders maintained they used to get up in the morning to the bell’s ring. I liked to think that those hard working souls who, as the author of Ecclesiasticus says, maintain the fabric of the world, and whose prayer is the handiwork of their craft, were reminded by the bell’s daily ring that their parish priest was offering verbal prayer and the Eucharist on their behalf and for their welfare.
Only once did I fail to ring the bell on time. That was on the morning that my St Helenian daughter Elizabeth was born. As good an excuse as a married priest could ever find for dereliction of duty.
On my second morning in the Australian parish of Ararat, as on the first morning, I again gave the bell thirty three good rings. Just as I finished, the door of a nearby house burst open and the raucous voice of a local harridan, a female equivalent of Barry Mackenzie, ripped the air apart and poured appalling abuse and calumny upon my head for so disturbing the peace! My Rector refused to let me call the harridan’s bluff and so Ararat, sadly, never grew accustomed to being woken by the tolling of a Matin Chime.
Bells of Shepparton, Swindon & Oxford
Shepparton is more civilized. Every morning at a quarter to eight, our sonorous bell, fittingly the most pleasing sounding bell in all of Shepparton, just as our church is the most pleasing building, rings out thirty three dongs, one for each of Jesus of Nazareth’s years of life.
I love bells. So did that most attractive of Anglicans, John Betjeman. His blank-verse autobiographical poem is entitled Summoned By Bells. I too have been summoned to worship many times by glorious peals of bells in lovely English country towns and villages. Diana is an accomplished bell ringer and like all such finds well hung belfries irresistible. Bells peal throughout Betjeman’s verse, one of his poems is called: On Hearing the Full Peal of Ten Bells from Christ Church, Swindon, Wilts., an admirable mouthful of a title for a poem. It is bettered by that of another of his splendid verses: Church of England Thoughts Occasioned by Hearing the Bells of Magdalene Tower from the Botanic Gardens, Oxford on St Mary Magdalene’s Day, which really is a mouthful, here are a few lines........
....A multiplicity of bells,
A changing cadence, rich and deep
Swung from those pinnacles on high
To fill the trees and flood the sky
And rock the sailing clouds to sleep.
A Church of England sound, it tells
Of “moderate” worship, God and State,
Where matins congregations go
Conservative and good and slow
To elevations of the plate.
And loud through resin-scented chines
And purple rhododendrons roll’d,
I hear the bells for Eucharist
From churches blue with incense mist
Where reredoses twinkle gold....
A bell in Grahamstown
The bell of my theological college chapel was an awkward brute with a mind of its own. All students were required to take on, in turn, a weekly stint of chapel-bell ringing. To ring the Angelus properly on that College bell, without unwanted extra little pips and pings, required great skill and was a matter of some pride to all the anglo-catholic students. Those of a more protestant persuasion used to delight to make a hash of it!
One student in particular took too great a pride in his efforts though. He had some excuse because he’d developed the art of ringing the angelus on that awkward bell flawlessly. So much so that a prankster climbed the chapel’s roof and tied fishing line to the clapper. The Angelus began: dong, dong, dong.... The first nine rings were meticulously, crisply rung, there followed the customary devotional, reverential, though proud silence, and then suddenly a frenzied, d.d.d.d.d.d.d.d.dong, on and on and on as the fishing line was pulled and jerked and pulled! How we, and I hope the angels, laughed.
I once repaired the rope attached to the clapper of the bell on St Helena with the help of a large jubilee clip, and some judicious drilling. A difficult job of which I boasted to Edwy, a bass in the choir and the ringer of the five minute bell. At Evensong the following Sunday, Edwy rang for only three minutes of the requisite five. He then appeared with blood trickling from the bridge of his nose and a reproachful look. My proudly boasted jubilee clip had detached itself and conked him one! Thus, perhaps, my laughter at the sabotaged pride of an Angelus rung many years previously was appropriately avenged!
An African bell
People were summoned to worship in the mission station churches of my youth, in Africa, not by a tolling bell but by the clang of a piece of railway line dangling from a tree branch being banged with a large bolt. This was not a memorably musical sound, but simply to recall it for this little diary column fills me with nostalgia. Not so much for the noise itself, I think, as for the vibrant African worship it promised. So perhaps means have not quite become ends and my love of bells might well be part and parcel of my love and worship of the one true and living God to whom be all honour, praise and glory.
The good Fitz
The amount of quiet, effective work done by Heather Fitzgerald in the parish is astonishing and inspiring. She does it all with quiet grace. As the Stewardship Campaign she has largely coordinated and run, with good help from Dorothy Cook, draws to its close she needs to be acknowledged for the star that she is. A famous sonnet by Keats begins: Bright star, were I as steadfast as thou art...... Indeed.
CONGRATULATIONS
Birthdays:
Ron Rose 6th Sept
Fr. John Price 7th Sept
Jeanette Berry 7th Sept
Ellie Mitchell 10th Sept
Anniversaries:
Two special anniversaries this week:
Marjorie & Matthew Patterson from Murchison/Rushworth celebrate their 60th on the 5th September and Kate and John Horder their 40th today the 4th September. Congratulations! A grand achievement.
CHRISTIANITY AND ISLAM
The study on Christianity and Islam is well supported and so I will be ordering books and we will start in a few weeks time. The list remains on the table for last minute sign-ups.
BALLOON MAN
Does anyone know of a Balloon man we can get in touch with for the Parish Fair? One of those clever fellows who ingeniously twists long balloons into shapes of all sorts of animals and shapes? We have heard of one in Ballarat which seems rather too far away.
RAFFLE ROSTERS
Team up with a friend and pop your names on the list in the narthex to do a turn of raffle ticket selling. You will be blessed.
PARISH FAIR & GARDEN PARTY
The next Planning Meeting will be held in Roz’s Room on Thursday 8th Sept. at 4pm. The Site Plan will be available that shows the location of stalls and other activities and so will be discussed. Stall holders are required to be present to voice their requirements.
FUNERAL EXPO 13th SEPTEMBER
St. Augustine’s Hall 2pm -7.30pm
“Dispel the mysteries
and myths of Funerals”
We will be catering for this function to raise money for the Anglicare Christmas Appeal. If you can help by providing a slice or sandwiches please put your name on the list on the Narthex table. Thank you. H.P
SENIORS WEEK:FACTS, FOOD AND FUN
The Social Responsibilities Committee is in the process of organising a function for the elderly to do with education in several important areas, with a lunch and entertainment. The date is the 5th of October from 11.30am to 2.30pm. Note the date.
SUNDAYS @ 5
This alternative worship service is being held tonight in the Narthex. Something different. Come along and see for yourself. Mary Pearson will be talking about “Sin”. All are welcome
PROJECTIONISTS
The use of a projector & screen at the 10.30 service is being well received by all but the most die-hard of us. At the moment Mary Pearson is our only projectionist and she is keen for more people to be shown how to use the equipment. She will be holding two training sessions over the next two weeks after the 10.30 service. We need to have others prepared and able to run the equipment as Mary will not be available on some Sundays. If you like the projector used in worship and are prepared to learn how to operate it (very simple and straightforward) do come to the training session or let Mary or Fr. Andrew know.
ARISE 255 MONDAY 5th SEPTEMBER
“Murder Mystery night”. Can you solve the problem? (5.30pm-7.30pm)
THANK YOU
Diana is back in the land of Australia with all Visa applications and processes satisfactorily in hand. She had a lovely time with friends and family in England, working gardens, minding grandchildren, celebrating happy events and much more. She is glad to be back too though and thankful to everyone for their warm welcome, including the great bunch of Australian flowers. Many thanks from both of us for the lovely flowers from the Parish to mark our Wedding Anniversary.
FOR THE DIARY
Sept 5th Arise 255/Youth Group
Sept 8th Parish Fair & Garden Party Mtg/4pm Roz’s Rm
Sept 10th Harvey Norman Sausage Sizzle (Fete)
Sept 13th Funeral Expo/St Augustine’s Hall
Sept 14th Vestry 2pm
Sept 15th Evening Guild Meeting 1.30pm
Sept 19th Arise 255/Youth Group
Sept 20th Social Responsibilities Meeting 10am
Sept 20th Friendship Group Meeting 2pm
Sept 21st Parish Council
Sept 24th Garden Working Bee
Sept 24th Arise 255/BBQ & Bonfire at Pearsons
Oct 1st Car Boot Sale/Christ Church Murchsion
Oct 1st Wedding 2pm
Oct 5th Seniors Week :Facts, Fun & Food 11.30-2pm/Hall
Oct 8th Weddings 10.00am, 2.00pm and 3.30pm
Oct 9th Pet Service 10.30am
Oct 11th Social Responsibilities Meeting
Oct 22nd Parish Fair & Garden Party
Oct 23rd Confirmation
Oct 29th Wedding
Oct 29th Garden Working Bee
Nov 12th Wedding 2pm
Nov 19th Wedding 1pm
Nov 19th Wedding 3pm
Nov 26th Wedding 2pm
Dec 3rd Women’s Breakfast
Dec 10th Men’s Breakfast
Dec 10th Wedding
Duties for 4th September 2011
Readers 8.30 Gwyn Cowland, Heather Fitzgerald
Readers 10.30 Nancy Noonan, Andrea Fisher
Servers 8.30 Michelle Woodyard
Servers 10.30 Rick, Sam & Maddie Coates
Intercessors Victoria Heenan, Greg Pestell
Euc. Assts 8.30 John Griffin, Heather Fitzgerald
Euc. Assts 10.30 Greg Pestell, Jenny Pleming
Welcomers 8.30 Bev Reither, Beryl Goodfellow
Welcomers 10.30 Volunteer, Nola Brewer
Sidespeople 8.30 Bev & Max Ralph
Sidespeople 10.30 Nola Brewer, Mitch Macheta
Tea 8.30 Val Bambrook
Welcoming Table Judy Lloyd
Mowing None this week
Altar Linen/Sept Bev Reither
Duties for 11th September 2011
Readers 8.30 Liz Gyles, Bev Condon
Readers 10.30 Joan McCann, Andrea Fisher
Servers 8.30 Michelle Woodyard
Servers 10.30 Greg Pestell, Eve & Grace Way
Intercessors Children
Euc. Assts 8.30 Carole Henderson, Bev Condon
Euc. Assts 10.30 Jenny Pleming, Christine Evans
Welcomers 8.30 Bev Ralph, Heather Nichols
Welcomers 10.30 Charlotte Brewer, Jenny Moran
Sidespeople 8.30 Trevor Batey, Joy Campbell
Sidespeople 10.30 John Pleming, Jenny Moran
Tea 8.30 Bev Reither
Welcoming Table Dorothy Cook
Mowing Margaret & Brendan Carroll
Altar Linen/Sept Bev Reither
READINGS NEXT WEEK
Exodus 14:19-31, Romans 14:1-14
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
At the beginning of each month this list is cleared and ALL names need putting down again on the list in the narthex and signed in. No names should be listed without a person’s permission. The list for names of those to be prayed for is kept in the top drawer of the little plastic box of drawers on the narthex table.
Margaret Aldous, Alan Akers, Deb Bagley, Liam Bognar, Joy & Ian Carmen, Ross & Helen Dainton, Frank Harder, Angela Hawthorne, Katherine Holt, John & Kate Horder, Ross Judd, Elsie Lieschke, Bronwyn Mitchell, Margaret Kidman, Albert Oxenbury, Isabelle Richards, Suzanne Singh, Patricia Sparkes, Peter Swindells, David, Peter, David & Judith, Kaye, Keith & Bonny, Lewis.
Rest in Peace:
Betty Burns, Marjorie Millerick, Nicholoas Golopoulos
Anniversaries:
Clive Wooton 4th, William Lord 5th, Gilbert White, Robert Tremlett, Dorothy Baker 6th, Della Proctor 7th, George Stone 8th, Glynn Davis, Margaret Condon, Helen Morris, Kelly Charles 9th, Thomas Tacey, Bill Wilkinson 10th.
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Monday 5th September (Rector’s day off)
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
5.30 pm Arise 255 - Youth Group - Hall
Tuesday 6th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
10.00am Playgroup - Roz’s Room
11.00am Shepparton Aged Care
4.15pm Confirmation Class - Library
Wednesday 7th September
7.45am Mattins only - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
6.00pm EfM - Roz’s Room
Thursday 8th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - Mercy
11.00am Eucharist - Harmony
11.00am Eucharist - Ave Maria
5.30pm Choir Practice - Rectory
Friday 9th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Saturday 10th September
(Associate Priest’s Day off)
7.45am Mattins - Lady Chapel
9.00am Harvey Norman Sausage Sizzle
10.00am Baptism Preparation
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Thirteenth Sunday after Pentecost 11th September
8.30am Sung Eucharist - St Augustine’s
10.30am Eucharist - St. Augustine’s/Kid’s Church
1.00pm Guide’s Service
8.45am Eucharist - St. Luke’s
10.45am Eucharist - St. Mary’s
5.30pm Evening Prayer