THIRTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST
11th September 2011
Graphics and cartoons & liturgical material appear only in the printed version
THRIFT
With the Stewardship Campaign winding up a few Scottish jokes to do with thrift.....
By mistake, Sandy put a 50 pence coin instead of 5 pence on the collection plate at church. Despite his entreaties, the parson refused to give it back to him. So for the next nine weeks, when the plate was passed round, he passed it on saying "Season ticket."
The Scots have an infallible cure for sea-sickness. They lean over the side of the ship with a ten pence coin in their teeth.
McDougal walked into a fish and chip shop. "I want 10 pence worth of chips, please. I want lots of salt and vinegar on them and two pence worth of pickled onions. And wrap the whole lot in today's newspaper".
Have you heard the rumour that the Grand Canyon was started by a Scotsman who lost a coin in a ditch?
THIS, THAT
AND THE OTHER (13)
Andrew Neaum
It was good to welcome Gail back from her holiday, relaxed, well-shorn and with a set of snazzy wheels. Although delighted to have her back, to my shame I did not welcome her publically last Sunday, and so because she was out at Dookie some of you were unaware of her return. Herewith, then, a belated public welcome back to Gail, already immersed as she is in the maelstrom of parochial activity! Her return enables Diana and myself to go away this weekend, God bless her indeed.
We will be on the road a fair bit, enabling Diana to acquaint herself with more of the best of Australia. Snowy weather permitting we head over the mountains to Malua Bay, south of Bateman's Bay, where my son Peter is house-sitting. This weekend off is also enabled by the arrival in the district of Barry Slatter and his wife. Barry is a priest living and working in England but who with his wife has a property near Katandra. They come out most years for a visit and so the folk at Katandra and Dookie benefit from a different and most amiable priestly presence. Welcome to them too, and many thanks.
Asparagus and love bites
Possibly the most appreciated sign of spring's arrival is a bundle of asparagus spears left hanging on my door knob. The first of many to follow. Lorraine Noonan keeps me well supplied for as long as the season lasts. God bless her.
Asparagus is the most splendid of vegetables. Nowhere in the world have I glutted myself so shamelessly upon it as here in Australia. Until arriving in this fair land I had only experienced the mushy, tinned variety. It was another generous parishioner, Alice Knight of Linton in the parish of Skipton, who first fed me crisp, fresh asparagus. The first crunchy bite proved to be a love bite.
I have a couple of asparagus crowns growing in our garden. They were given to me some years ago by Bev Condon. It is good to have them and I often eat the young spears raw in the garden as I cut them. They go nowhere near to satisfying my voracious appetite for the vegetable though. At the end of the season I allow them to feather, flower and fruit, the foliage turns a beautiful autumn yellow. Apparently the little red berries are poisonous to humans.
Asparagus information
There is evidence of asparagus being eaten 20,000 years ago near Aswan in Egypt. The Greeks and Romans ate it fresh when in season and dried the vegetable for use in winter; apparently the Romans even froze it, high up in the Alps, in order to keep it for the Feast of Epicurius. The Emperor Augustus reserved an "Asparagus Fleet" for hauling the vegetable, and coined the expression "faster than cooking asparagus" for speedy action. The oldest recipe book in the world, Apicius's third century "De re coquinaria", has a recipe for it.
Like Rhino horn it has been celebrated in the East for its aphrodisiacal power and also as a counter for fatigue. By 1469 it was cultivated in French monasteries, though hopefully not for its aphrodisiacal powers. Louis XIV had special greenhouses built for growing it.
One of its most interesting properties is the pong it gives to one's urine, often as soon as fifteen minutes after ingestion. It is for this reason that in England it has sometimes been called "Chamber-maid's horror", though that greatest of French authors, Marcel Proust maintained that it "......transforms my chamber-pot into a flask of perfume." Given the propensity of scientists for idiotic as well as useful research, it is hardly surprising that there have been all sorts of studies of who can smell asparagus-scented urine, who cannot and why.
The Chinese are far and away the largest producers. In 2005 they harvested close to six million tons.
Out to Dookie
Diana and I recently headed out to Dookie and Ian and Jenny Shield's farm to relieve them of a little sheep manure. We have expanded our vegetable garden and I have a long and loving relationship with sheep dung.
In the parish of Skipton, kneeling down in mature manure beneath local shearing sheds to fill bags with the stuff to raise cash for the parish was a regular part of my life. Raking, shovelling, dragging, sweating, toiling at such a task, helped this new immigrant parson to Australianise himself as well as get the sheep and shepherd imagery of the bible into sharper than usual focus.
Manure, Urine and Damp Wool
When a malicious old ewe, standing in the shearing shed above you, voids her capacious bladder through the grating on to your bald head, to the amusement of the parishioners toiling with you, the bible's sheep and shepherd imagery loses some of its romantic aura.
When you bless a fleece in a shearing shed, accompanied by a cacophony of corellas in chorus outside, fidgety sheep as well as fidgety parishioners inside, and with a natural incense rising to God as prayer, not from a thurible, but from a strangely pleasing blend of manure, urine and damp wool, then the sheep and shepherd imagery of the bible is absorbed in a rather more intimate and realistic way.
When you watch sheep castrated in the old fashioned way with the teeth, when you assist in the slaughter and butchering of sheep and observe them sheared, dipped and dosed, the sheep and shepherd imagery of the bible loses the last of its stained-glass sentimentality and is appreciated far more for its gutsy realism.
It all is too easy to be a book-bound, study-bound, lily-white-handed parson; a theorising, hypothesising, theologising parish priest; one obsessed with liturgical minutiae, or with fine points of doctrine, or with diocesan politics or with what General Synod is up to. Particularly if you are the Rector of a wealthy and well endowed suburban parish.
The Authentic Shepherd Stinks of Sheep
The desperation for cash experienced in small country parishes, which is the most debilitating and depressing fact of life, is also, paradoxically the most invigorating. It forces the parson out of his study and away from parsonic preoccupations to get alongside people in all sorts of ingenious schemes, enterprises and undertakings. It enables a mutual and realistic appreciation of each other to begin to grow between parson and people, and allows the bible, theology, liturgy, common worship and prayer to coarsen into the rude vitality of real faith.
An authentic shepherd has to stink of sheep. All of which, when Rector of the little country village of Skipton, I celebrated in verse:
Under a shearing shed
shovelling muck,
Crouching and grunting
and down on his luck,
An Anglican Rector
discovered the way
To keep cash-hungry bishop
and diocese at bay.
The offertory plate
each Sunday was light,
But he didn't despair
at the pitiful sight,
Or rant and harangue
his faithful few,
He flopped to his knees,
but not in a pew!
Under a shed he got down
to his praying,
In sweat and in effort,
in action not saying;
And so there were filled
lots of offertory sacks,
Piled up high,
a great mountain of stacks.
This wasn't accomplished
completely alone,
He didn't perspire
and beseech on his own.
Parishioners too
came to kneel in the dung,
To pray with their muscle,
not with their tongue.
In Carngham they did it
without their Rector,
Hundreds of sacks
from this hard-working sector,
And in Wallinduc's rain
and in Wallinduc's mud,
The hand of Sue Robertson
split and poured blood,
But still she dug on,
with the hard working Netta,
Inspiring the men
to do better and better!
So Christ Church Skipton
was solvent on dung
And happy am I
dung's praise to have sung.
The stuff has its merits
is far from obscene,
Its smell is not noxious,
though pungent its clean,
How well it dissolves
a church's debts
And eases a Rector's
worries and frets.
All praise then for muck,
it's most wonderful stuff,
A church in the bush
simply can't have enough.
Like roses and lilies
we need it to thrive
And keep mother church
fragrant, lovely and live!
Palindromes
I have just been reading a fascinating article on a man who spends nearly every spare minute of his life writing palindromes. He is an American called Barry Duncan and has completed one that is 400 words long, though it was not included in the article. Palindromes are words or phrases that read the same forward or backward. Here are some simple though ingenious examples: "Party booby trap." "Lisa Bonet ate no basil." "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!" "I Love Me, Vol. I". Fascinating.
TO PONDER
...... for millions of people, religious "belief" is not a matter of just totting up stable, creedal propositions ("I believe that Jesus is the son of God", "I believe that I will go to heaven when I die", and so on), but a matter of more unconscious, daily practice ("Now it is time to kneel down, face Mecca and pray"). This kind of defence of the deep embeddedness of religious practice has been influenced by Wittgenstein – for whom, say, kissing an icon was a bit like loving one's mother; something that cannot be subjected to an outsider's rational critique. James Wood - The Guardian
CONGRATULATIONS
Birthdays:
Frank Steen Sept 12th
Eve Way Sept 12th
William Prothero Sept 14th
Aaron Wells Sept 17th
Anniversary Congratulations
Peter & Dulcie Ackland Sept 17th
BALLOON MAN
Does anyone know of a Balloon man we can get in touch with for the Parish Fair?
GRIEF SUPPORT
No Grief Support on the 13th of September because of the Funeral Expo.
MISSING
Colourful aprons for the ladies on the "Better Glass and China Stall" (Treasure Stall). Any one who knows their whereabouts please contact Pat Gibson.
CHRISTIANITY AND ISLAM
The booklets are paid for and on their way. So I suspect that we will be starting next week on Tuesday evenings. If anyone would prefer a day time session Gail will be very happy to lead one.
RAFFLE ROSTERS
Team up with a friend and pop your names on the list in the narthex to do a turn of raffle ticket selling. You will be blessed.
FUNERAL EXPO 13th SEPTEMBER
St. Augustine's Hall 2pm -7.30pm: "Dispel the mysteries and myths of Funerals"
We will be catering for this function to raise money for the Anglicare Christmas Appeal. If you can help by providing a slice or sandwiches please put your name on the list on the Narthex table. Thank you. H.P
SENIORS WEEK: FACTS, FOOD AND FUN
The Social Responsibilities Committee is in the process of organising a function for the elderly to do with education in several important areas, with a lunch and entertainment. The date is the 5th of October from 11.30am to 2.30pm. Note the date.
PROJECTIONISTS
The use of a projector & screen at the 10.30 service is being well received by all but the most die-hard of us. At the moment Mary Pearson is our only projectionist and she is keen for more people to be shown how to use the equipment. She will be holding a training session today after the 10.30 service. We need to have others prepared and able to run the equipment as Mary will not be available on some Sundays. If you like the projector used in worship and are prepared to learn how to operate it (very simple and straightforward) do come to the training session or let Mary or Fr. Andrew know.
BONFIRE NIGHT
On the 24th of September at the Pearson's pad in Lemnos (230 Lemnos North Road) there is a BBQ and Bonfire night. Everyone is invited. Always a huge bonfire and great fun. Note the date!
RAFFLE BOOKS
There are raffle books on the narthex table for you to collect and if for some reason you haven't been allocated a book please don't hesitate to ask Dorothy or at the office.
GUIDES PARADE
At 1.00pm today there is a Girl Guides Parade and Service conducted by the Reverend Gail. It is followed by a BBQ
FOR THE DIARY
Sept 13th Social Responsibilities Mtg 11am/Library
Sept 13th Funeral Expo/St Augustine's Hall
Sept 14th Vestry 2pm
Sept 15th Evening Guild Meeting 1.30pm
Sept 19th Arise 255/Youth Group
Sept 20th Friendship Group Meeting 2pm
Sept 21st Parish Council
Sept 24th Garden Working Bee
Sept 24th Arise 255/BBQ & Bonfire at Pearsons
Oct 1st Car Boot Sale/Christ Church Murchsion
Oct 1st Wedding 2pm
Oct 5th Seniors Week :Facts, Fun, Food 11.30-2pm/Hall
Oct 6th Parish Fair & Garden Party Meeting/4pml
Oct 8th Weddings 10.00am, 2.00pm and 3.30pm
Oct 9th Pet Service 10.30am
Oct 11th Social Responsibilities Meeting
Oct 16th St Luke's Service for the Medical Profession
Oct 22nd Parish Fair & Garden Party
Oct 23rd Confirmation
Oct 29th Wedding
Oct 29th Garden Working Bee
Nov 12th Wedding 2pm
Nov 19th Wedding 1pm
Nov 19th Wedding 3pm
Nov 26th Wedding 2pm
Dec 3rd Women's Breakfast
Dec 10th Men's Breakfast
Dec 10th Wedding
Duties for 11th September 2011
Readers 8.30 Liz Gyles, Bev Condon
Readers 10.30 Joan McCann, Andrea Fisher
Servers 8.30 Michelle Woodyard
Servers 10.30 Greg Pestell, Eve & Grace Way
Intercessors Celebrant, Children
Euc. Assts 8.30 Carole Henderson, Bev Condon
Euc. Assts 10.30 Jenny Pleming, Christine Evans
Welcomers 8.30 Bev Ralph, Heather Nichols
Welcomers 10.30 Charlotte Brewer, Jenny Moran
Sidespeople 8.30 Trevor Batey, Joy Campbell
Sidespeople 10.30 John Pleming, Jenny Moran
Tea 8.30 Bev Reither
Welcoming Table Dorothy Cook
Mowing Margaret & Brendan Carroll
Altar Linen/Sept Bev Reither
Duties for 18th September 2011
Readers 8.30 Norman Mitchelmore, Victoria Heenan
Readers 10.30 Greg Pestell, Verna Pestell
Servers 8.30 Michelle Woodyard, Beth Brewer
Servers 10.30 Zeb, Greg, Joe
Intercessors Norm Weaver, Verna Pestell
Euc. Assts 8.30 Carole Henderson, John Griffin
Euc. Assts 10.30 Jenny Pleming, Linda Prosser
Welcomers 8.30 John Pleming, Joe Fernandez
Welcomers 10.30 Judy Lloyd, Pat Griffin
Sidespeople 8.30 Frank Steen, Volunteer
Sidespeople 10.30 Charlotte Brewer, Nola Brewer
Tea 8.30 Shirley Dean
Welcoming Table Judy Lloyd
Mowing None this week
Altar Linen/Sept Bev Reither
READINGS NEXT WEEK
Exodus 16:2-15, Philippians 1:21-30
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
At the beginning of each month this list is cleared and ALL names need putting down again on the list in the narthex and signed in. No names should be listed without a person's permission. The list for names of those to be prayed for is kept in the top drawer of the little plastic box of drawers on the narthex table.
Margaret Aldous, Alan Akers, Deb Bagley, Liam Bognar, Joy & Ian Carmen, Ross & Helen Dainton, Frank Harder, Angela Hawthorne, Katherine Holt, John & Kate Horder, Ross Judd, Elsie Lieschke, Bronwyn Mitchell, Margaret Kidman, Olive Paez, Albert Oxenbury, Isabelle Richards, Patricia Sparkes, Peter Swindells, David, Peter, David & Judith, Kaye, Keith & Bonny, Lewis.
Anniversaries:
Eileen Golden, Richard Broughton 11th, Mary Day, Eva Dick 12th, Amy McClusky, Frederick Stagg 13th, Herbert Smith, Eileen Vlasij 14th, Graeme Dempsey 15th, Donald Malcolm, Glen Wells, Alma Robertson 16th, George Lenon 17th.
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Monday 12th September (Rector's day off)
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Tuesday 13th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
10.00am Playgroup - Roz's Room
11.00am Shepparton Aged Care
11.00am Social Responsibilities Mtg./Library
2.00pm Funeral Expo/Hall
4.15pm Confirmation Class - Library
Wednesday 14th September
7.45am Mattins only - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - St Augustine's
2.00pm Vestry/Library
5.30pm Hospice
Thursday 15th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
9.30am Eucharists-Hakea & Acacia
11.00am Eucharist - Harmony
1.30pm Evening Guild/Roz's Room
4.00pm Eucharist - Banksia
5.30pm Choir Practice - Rectory
Friday 16th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Saturday 17th September (Associate Priest's Day off)
7.45am Mattins - Lady Chapel
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Fourteenth Sunday after Pentecost 18th September
8.30am Sung Eucharist - St Augustine's
10.30am Eucharist - St. Augustine's
8.45am Eucharist - St. Luke's Dookie
8.45am Eucharist - St. Paul's Rushworth
10.45am Eucharist - Christ Church Murchison
5.30pm Evening Prayer