FIRST SUNDAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
30th December 2007
Graphics and cartoons appear only in the printed version
CHRISTMAS RIDDLES
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve !
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !
WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THAT SPECIAL GIFT
1. I really don't deserve this.
2. To think - I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
3. Well, well, well ...
4. Wow, if I had not recently shot up four sizes it would fit perfectly.
5. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is the bush fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
6. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
7. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
8. I love it - but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
9. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Witness Protection Program.
10. Hey! There's a gift!
TRAVELLERS TALES (36)
(Andrew Neaum in the year 2000)
While on the parish camp at Tarfside we experienced the second BBQ of our whole stay in Scotland. As you might expect, it was held under grey skies with an odd drop of light rain falling. However there were no flies and it was Australian enough in every other important way to be enjoyable, for there was plenty of food and wine, and joviality. When we finished Bob Potter practised some of Sunday’s proposed songs with those who could sing, and I prepared for Sunday’s Eucharist by going to get the key to the vestry of the little church next door from a certain Mrs Guthrie who lives in the “Parsonage”.
The vestry was spartan and mildewy, the linen in a poor condition, crumpled and messy. I managed to find sufficient in decent enough condition for a service, however. That evening we enjoyed an argumentative and noisy game of Trivial Pursuit which ended in a draw, and then went off to bed, where, because of an afternoon sleep, I read on until 2.00am
Crooks from Ararat
The next day, Sunday, I awoke before anyone else and headed back to Dundee on my own to take the 10.00am service at Invergowrie. It is an easy drive of about 55 miles, the first ten of them slow because of the narrow and winding road. Having sorted everything out in the church, I was sitting quietly before the service when I looked up and saw two folk walk in who seemed familiar. It was two parishioners from Ararat, Les and Maureen Crook. They are a pair of Yorkshire Poms who were over on one of their regular three yearly visits home. While still in Australia they had learned from a mutual friend that we were in Scotland and so rang Ashley before his departure to discover our whereabouts. They then planned a trip to Scotland, spent the night in a local Bed and Breakfast, found the Invergowrie Church and the times of services from its notice board and so were able to walk in unannounced to give me a pleasant surprise. After the service, over tea, because they were intending heading north to Braemar, they decided to follow me back to Tarfside to see Margaret and the girls. Also present at the service was the interesting son of an old lady in the village called Mrs Berthie whom I had visited some weeks previously. He had recently completed a large history of Episcopalian clergy in Scotland which was due to be published in the next few weeks. I have since seen a laudatory review of it in the Church Times. He was a delightful fellow to meet, modestly learned and a devoted Anglican. With part of the congregation missing on camp, even with three visitors present there were only about ten folk in the congregation at All Souls’, and without Maggie Powell and her lovely voice, I decided to dispense with hymns, which was a pleasant change. There is something to be said for the peace and quiet of a said Eucharist, as those who attend the Saturday night and early Sunday morning services at St John’s Wodonga know.
Camp’s end
I made my way back to Tarfside followed by the Crooks in their car and, because everyone was out on a walk when we arrived, I was able to chat to Les and Maureen on my own over a cup of tea, catching up on the gossip from Ararat parish. Although I don’t associate Yorkshire men with wit, Les Crook is a very witty fellow and later, when everyone had returned from the walk, he actually got a number of smiles from the inscrutable and silent non-churchgoing husband on camp with us, who also happens to be a Yorkshire man. We ate a good lunch which, as is often the case with me on Sunday’s, was all the more welcome because I had had no breakfast. With the afternoon well in to itself, the Crooks headed off on their way, and I went over to the Church to get everything ready for the 4.00pm service. As I did so a short bearded priest bustled in, Canon Sidney Fox, the rector of Brechin, who looks after the church at Tarfside and the Retreat House. He had come up to do some repair work, that is, to replace the phone and sort out the church’s lights. A pleasant fellow he has written a little book on spirituality, based on three figures, one being Evelyn Underhill. There is no local congregation to the church, so it is used for an occasional wedding and funeral and by the residents of the Retreat House only. There are plans to extend the Retreat House with the help of some cash from that pot of gold beneath the rainbow’s end that is the National Lottery. The beautiful parsonage, with its great sweep of lovely lawn down to the church, is inhabited by the local estate’s retired, ancient gamekeeper and his daughter and family. It is owned by Lord Dalhousie the present landowner, though it used to be a family called Maule. Canon Fox had come up with his church treasurer and she attended our service, which went well, though the not particularly melodic guitar-led songs did not thrill me. After a final clean up and cup of tea we left for home,
British weather
I was up early the next morning, and for the first time since being in Scotland I found it necessary to turn on the light in the kitchen to make my early morning cup of coffee, at about half past five. This was more because it was a thoroughly grey morning than because the days were drawing in, though the nights by this time were beginning to regain lost ground on the days. There had been a bit of real rain in the night, to judge from the pan outside as much as a good half inch. It is odd that the detailed weather reports in Britain rarely report inches of rain fallen for that, surely, is the most interesting of all information and certainly very useful to gardeners.
A public hospital
The man more responsible for getting us to Scotland than any other was Fr Paul Harvie, the Rector of St Salvador’s in Dundee, and once upon a time precentor at Wangaratta Cathedral. Ever since we got to Invergowrie he had been unwell with what at first appeared to be sciatica, but eventually turned out to be far worse. On our return from the parish camp I went to the lovely named Ninewells hospital to visit him. He told me that there was a growth on his bone that needed to be removed and that he also had a pelvic fracture. I found him looking a bit drawn, but in what appeared to be reasonably good spirits. The hospital is huge and swarms with people. I couldn’t help but compare it unfavourably with the new and pristine hospital at Wodonga. It has the characteristic feel and flavour of the NHS - labyrinthine corridors, with crowds of the flower of English or, in this case, Scottish humanity lounging or shuffling around in a seedy and down at heel fashion. So many depressed and diseased folk around in an over-heated environment made me long for a mask to protect myself from the warm banks of fungus and disease infected air.
Brutal history
At the time I was reading a history of Scotland, a most appalling record of violence, treachery and brutality. By the time I got to James VI of Scotland and I of England, “the wisest fool in Christendom”, I was wondering why any foolish nationalist would want to end the Union - life can only have been better for the average Scot since it came about. One might well say the same of independent Zimbabwe, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi and so on of course!
Kingsley Amis and Philip Larkin
Every morning in Scotland I dissipated the remnants of sleep and early morning depression in the kitchen by making a cup of coffee, always with sugar, and listening to the amazing South African contraption of a radio. It was one of those that you wind up to give it power and which, should the sun fall on it through the window, takes power from that and starts up automatically. A wonderful invention. Having finished the book on Scotland I read Kingsley Amis’s memoirs, a good, funny, bitchy and satisfying read. Though compared to the real greats of his time, like Lewis and Tolkien (the latter of whom he despised) he is a pygmy. There is a chapter on Phillip Larkin, of whom he was a friend and which I mention because there is a connection with early morning depression of the sort that afflicts a fair number of us as we get up. Amis in his memoirs considers briefly Larkin’s great and pessimistic poem “Aubade”, with its depicted horror of death and concomitant non-existence, saying words to the effect that everyone in middle age and old age, from time to time, feels much of what the poem says, but so what? He goes on to regret never saying to Larkin that there is no need to wallow in despair of the sort expressed in the poem, but rather should it occur in the middle of the night all you do is turn on the light and read a Dick Francis book or, at any other time, make a cup of coffee and get on with some work. Exactly!
Disgusting
What a funny, clever man was Larkin though, as well as a fine poet and crude fellow. There is a not untypical and disgraceful story of him having been on a beer drinking pub-crawl with a particularly fervent toper and teacher friend and then foolishly going with the teacher to a meeting of the school literary society. There Larkin found himself as far as he could possibly be from the door, with boys seated and sprawled in profusion everywhere. There came upon him a compelling desire to urinate. In his slightly drink-befuddled state he decided rather than disrupt the whole meeting by staggering over and between boys to the door, and given the fact that rationing was still in force, and so the place was unheated and he was very heavily, thickly and absorbently great-coated and clothed, he would charitably wet himself and no one would be the wiser. So he did, only to discover, to his horror, that he had miscalculated and a pool of piddle formed beneath his chair!
Hedgehog spotting
At about this time we were putting bread out at night hoping to attract a hedgehog. We had as yet only made the acquaintance of those flattened by cars on the road. We never did see a live one, though in the middle of the night much of the bread disappeared. Who took it though? (to be continued)
READING IN CHURCH
Many thanks to all of you who volunteer to read scripture or the intercessions in Church, it is a very important part of each Eucharist. In its own way it is as important as the sermon, care needs to be taken over both. Parishioners tend to be able to get away with mocking inadequate sermons more readily than would the clergy with mocking inadequate reading, though inadequacy in either is equally deplorable.
We will soon be offering a session after services to talk about reading techniques and do’s and don’ts to help lift our standards. All readers should make sure they attend.
However in the mean time please make sure that you read through a reading or intercession at least four times aloud before you declaim it publicly. We all need fully to grasp and understand what we read if we are to enunciate it intelligently, with the right emphasis on the right word and so to make sense of what we read. The readings and intercessions are usually available by the Friday afternoon before the Sunday for which they are appointed. Difficult names should be referred to the clergy for advice as to their pronunciation.
Another little detail important to the flow of the service is to ensure that you do not keep the whole congregation waiting as you amble the length of the nave to the lectern. Position yourself at the lectern during the Prayer of the Day, the Psalm, or the Creed.
CONGRATULATIONS
Birthdays
Bill Kuehnapfel. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30th Dec.
Doreen Shevlugen. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30th Dec
Lesley Wells. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2nd Jan
Jeanette Smith. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4th Jan
FOR THE GARDEN
There is a Garden Working Bee on Saturday 5th of January beginning at 9.00am. The Garden Committee would like you to save your newspapers for our garden please. If possible, please deliver to Church on Sunday the 10th January 2008, but failing that, please contact Barbara Whyte: 58212738.
SOOTHED SOULS
The Simply Soul Soothing period of quiet reflection on Tuesdays that starts at 12.15pm and ends with lunch begins again on Tuesday the 8th of January.
DATES FOR THE DIARY
Jan 26. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wedding
Feb 6. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ash Wednesday and AGM
Mar 1. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wedding 2.30pm
Mar 8. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Weddings 1.00pm & 3.00pm
April 10th, 11th, 12th, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Catechesis Training in Shepp
April 17th,18th, 19th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Catechesis Training in Shepp
April 19. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wedding 3.30pm
May 3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wedding 1.30pm
June 1st . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patronal Festival
Duties for 30th December 2007
Vigil Eucharist at 6pm 29th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andrew Neaum
Celebrant 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Andrew Neaum
Celebrant 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Andrew Neaum
Celebrant 8.45 St. Luke’s Dookie. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gail Bryce
Celebrant 10.45 St. Mary’s Katandra. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gail Bryce
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jeanette Smith, Victoria Heenan
Readers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charlotte Brewer, Jenny Pleming
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michelle, Beth, Volunteers
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenny
Intercessors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Heather Fitzgerald, Bev Condon
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Margaret Neaum, John Griffin
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jenny Pleming, Bev Condon
Welcoming 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather Pearson, Bev Ralph
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frank Steen, Nola Brewer
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Norm Mitchelmore, Joe Pearson
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Alan Akers, Nola Brewer
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gwyn Cowland
Welcome Tbl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pamela Lee
Mowing 15th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Grant & John Horder
Duties for 6th January
Vigil Eucharist at 6pm 5th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Andrew Neaum
Celebrant 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gail Bryce
Celebrant 10.30 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gail Bryce
Celebrant 8.45 St. Luke’s Dookie. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Andrew Neaum
Celebrant 10.45 St. Mary’s Katandra. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andrew Neaum
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Norm Weaver, Carole Henderson
Readers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Charlotte Brewer, Joan McCann
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Volunteer, Michelle, Beth
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jenny, Sophie, Ben
Intercessors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather Carlyon, Joan McCann
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Griffin, Ian Bryce
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bev Condon, Carole Henderson
Welcoming 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judy Lloyd, Pat Griffin
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nola Brewer, Frank Steen
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Norm Mitchelmore, Joe Pearson
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Alan Akers, Nola Brewer
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pat Gibson
Welcoming Table. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Margaret Hoare
Mowing 5th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . To be arranged
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
At the beginning of each month this list is cleared and ALL names need putting down again on the list in the narthex and signed in. No names should be listed without a person’s permission.
Tony Armstrong, Liam Bognar, Nicky Cavill, Jack Cook, Christine Day, Emmie Dean, Donna Dyson, John Green, Pat Griffin, Kath Grills, Frank Harder, Sam Martin, John Moore, Margaret Neaum, Margaret Noble, Reg Oxenford, Margaret Osborough, Carole Shields, Peter & Eva Swindells, Jan Riches, Lorraine Vogul, David, George, Glenda, Peter, David & Judith, Layla, Roslyn, Maureen, Myra, David.
Anniversary of death
Roseline Gluning 31st, Annie Davis, Linda Maskell 5th.
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Monday 31st December
Rector’s Day off
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Tuesday 1st Ja n Naming of Jesus (New Year’s Day)
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Wednesday 2nd January Basil & Gregory Nazianzen
7.45am Mattins only- Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
5.30pm Choir Practice for 10.30 Eucharist
Thursday 3rd January
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
9.30am Eucharists- Tarcoola
11.00pm Eucharist - Grutzner House
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
5.30pm Choir Practice
Friday 4th January
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Saturday 5th January
Associate Priest ‘s day off
7.45am Mattins and Eucharist Trad Rite Lady Chapel
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist
Sunday 6th January THE EPIPHANY
8.30am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
10.30am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
8.45am St. Luke’s Dookie
10.45am St. Mary’s Katandra