SEVENTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST
29th June 2008
Graphics and cartoons & liturgical material appear only in the printed version
WELL, DID THEY?
A drunk climbed aboard the number 48 tram and spoke to the bloke sitting opposite. "Hey, what's your name then?" "Paul," said the man, intensely embarrassed by becoming the focus of attention of the other passengers. The drunk was silent for a few moments, then asked, "Say, did those Thessalonians ever write back to you?"
OBEDIENCE
A man who thought he was a dog went to see a psychiatrist. When invited to lie down he said, "But I am not allowed on the couch."
BOTTOMS, BUTTS AND BUTTOCKS
Andrew Neaum
What wonderful things bottoms are. All clergy should have a healthy respect for them. Sermons would be even more intolerable than they are were it not for bottoms, our built in and remarkably effective twin cushions.
Steatopygous
There is a tribe of people in Africa whose women have huge bottoms. They store fat in them for days of famine. There is even a scientific word for such fat bottoms. It is "Steatopygous". My mother was always fascinated by new or odd words and it was she who dug this one out for us. My brother and I put it to good use when our older sister annoyed us and so needed insulting.
Most Africans, at least in the days of my youth in Rhodesia, regarded fat bottomed women as beautiful. When my sister was a teenager she was introduced by my father to an African teacher who said admiringly as he shook her hand: "Ah, she is very fat." He meant that she was beautiful, but my sister was not at all amused.
The two close collaborators and friends, G K Chesterton and Hillaire Belloc, were nicknamed amusingly "Chesterbelloc" by their frequent and worthy foe George Bernard Shaw, but even better they were also termed "Two buttocks on one bum." I think by Shaw too, though I can't now remember where I came across him saying so.
Butts in the Bible
The only references to bottoms that I can find in the bible refer to the shame of having uncovered buttocks. However Jeremiah does says somewhere that he is "a daily laughing stock, everybody's butt". Which one might well suppose to be a reference to a bottom, because the word butt means bottom to most of us, to kick someone's butt being to kick their backside. So might not Jeremiah mean that everyone sits upon him?
Sadly no. The word "butt" has a variety of meanings and only one is "bottom". There is to butt with head or horns, to shove. There is to butt out, to stick out. There is a family of fish called butt. There is a cask of wine holding a hundred and eight gallons that is a butt. But butt's most important and usual meaning comes from archery, a butt being the mound in front of which the target is set for archery practice. So Jeremiah was saying not that he was everybody's bottom, but that everyone was shooting arrows at him, or rather being nasty about him, saying vicious things about him. He was the butt of everybody's arrows.
This was because he was a prophet of doom. He could see only disaster ahead for Judah and had the courage to say so. People did not like it, it disturbed them.
Pessimism
There is a tendency in most of us, certainly in myself, to prepare for the worst by predicting it.
If I am putting on a special service, something new in the parish, I find myself saying "I shouldn't think anyone will come, it is the wrong time of year", or "the weather isn't right...." and so on. It is a way of lessening any disappointment by anticipating it, but this sort of doom-saying is not the real thing. It doesn't mean that we are really gloomy pessimists. It is just a social device that helps us cope with disappointment and which also prevents us from looking as foolish as we might when an enterprise fails, for if we predicted the failure then we can't be too stupid!
Real and genuine pessimism often masquerades as it's opposite. We call it "putting on a brave face". One of the buttocks on the Chesterbelloc bum put it perfectly:
I said to heart, `How goes it?' Heart replied,
‘Right as a ribstone pippin.’ But it lied.
The most pessimistic of English poets would surely have to be A E Houseman like this little favourite, for example:
Therefore, since the world has still
Much good, but much less good than ill,
And while the sun and moon endure
Luck's a chance, but trouble's sure,
I’d face it as a wise man would,
And train for ill and not for good.
White lies
I remember one of my best parishioners saying in a study group that confession and absolution meant nothing to her, because she led a perfectly upright and good life. This is a not uncommon illusion among mainline Christians.
The best antidote is to direct our attention to the lies of the heart, as in Belloc's couplet. For how we do lie about ourselves to ourselves! Or what about those lies that protect us socially? All lies, even socially acceptable ones, the so-called "white lies", mitigate against true relationships, and in bearing false witness of the self, whom we are enjoined to love as our neighbour, come very close indeed to transgressing the ninth commandment.
A prayer
Lead us good Lord into all truth by granting us the courage to be truthful in all things, and above all to have the courage to admit to the truth about ourselves, to be who we are, to drop pretence, hypocrisy and artifice, to resort to no white lies, and so to be known as you know us for exactly who we are and loved as you love us, for precisely who we are. Help us good Lord to be devoted and committed, to your Way, your Life and your Truth. Amen.
DO WE REALLY LOVE ANIMALS?
Part of an article by Rod Liddle in “The Spectator” of 14th June 2008
A few years ago I had to take my pet rat, Heydrich, to the vet’s after my youngest son threw him head first at the bedroom wall. After that, Heydrich walked oddly and began acting in an unpredictable manner, certainly not in a fit state to, say, quell unrest in Czechoslovakia. The vet prescribed a course of antibiotics and some painkillers — total cost about 50 quid — and said even then Heydrich might not regain his former glory. And then he fixed me levelly and added: ‘But, um, he is just... you know, a rat. For five quid I could...’
I paid for the treatment and Heydrich spazzed around for another week or so before pegging out, a look of relief evident on his little rat face. The day he died (solemn burial, full military honours, vicious reprisals etc) I watched that silly pet hospital programme with Rolf Harris; one lengthy section was devoted to a white mouse suffering from cancer; they’d operated, given it chemo, mouse announced it would fight the illness bravely, friends rally round doing sponsored walks, little mouse-trip to Disneyland etc. And the very next section of the programme was about a previously poorly python who was now fit and well, its grand state of health evidenced by the alacrity with which it hoovered up a tank full of live white mice — the cousins, presumably, of the brave cancer mouse in section one. Everyone was very pleased with the python.
But — ooh, it made me think, watching the back legs of those little rodents disappearing down the sinister maw of the python. At that moment I remembered too, with some disquiet, having beaten a rat to death with a shovel once, when it suddenly appeared in the kitchen of the Leytonstone squat in which I lived. How inconsistent we are towards animals; ambivalent, in the true Freudian sense of the term. We do not like them much for themselves, for what they are — only for the fictions we have imposed upon them. In a sense we treat them with the same ambivalence with which we treat children — although very few of us beat children to death with a shovel, I admit, much though we might wish to from time to time. I suppose there are too many creatures, from dust mites to elephants, for us to treat them all as if they were deserving of a right to life. And so we are shallowly inconsistent, hypocritical and capricious.......
You and I
I explain quietly. You
hear me shouting. You
try a new tack. I
feel old wounds reopen.
You see both sides. I
see your blinkers. I
am placatory. You
sense a new selfishness.
I am a dove. You
recognize the hawk. You
offer an olive branch. I
feel the thorns.
You bleed. I
see crocodile tears. I
withdraw. You
reel from the impact.
Roger McGough : “Collected Poems”
published by Penguin ISBN 0-141-01455-5
HUMILITY
C S Lewis
Don't imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call "humble" nowadays: he won't be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who's always telling you that, of course, he's nobody. Probably all you'll think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him, it will be because you feel a bit envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He won't be thinking about himself at all. There I must stop. If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you're not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.
THE THEOLOGY
OF BONGWI, THE BABOON
This is the wisdom of the Ape
Who yelps beneath the Moon -
‘Tis God who made me in His shape
He is a Great Baboon.
‘Tis He who tilts the moon askew
And fans the forest trees,
The heavens which are broad and blue
Provide Him His trapeze;
He swings with tail divinely bent
Around those azure bars
And munches to his Soul's content
The kernels of the stars;
And when I die, His loving care
Will raise me from the sod
To learn the perfect Mischief there,
The Nimbleness of God
Roy Campbell
CONGRATULATIONS
Birthdays
Heila Wentzel. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30th June
Michelle Woodyard. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2nd July
WELCOME BACK
We welcome back the Revd Gail and Ian Bryce from their holiday. She got back at the beginning of last week, and was needed indeed, for what a week it proved to be. The Rector will be taking a few days leave here and then in the following two weeks.
SCHOOL HOLIDAY BREAK
There is no Catechesis of the Good Shepherd or Playgroup during the school holidays.
CATERING
The Catering Team do a wonderful job in raising money for necessary improvements to the hall. There is a list in the Narthex for the names of those willing to be asked to help with catering for funerals and the like. Please consider enlisting.
GIANT GARAGE SALE
This takes place on Friday the 11th of July from 9.00am to 4.00pm and on Saturday July the 12th from 9.00am to12noon. It is time to sort out any unwanted or excess items that you may have. We are in need of all sorts of saleable articles, and as the event is now only 2 weeks away, we are a little short. We will accept most things and they can be collected if required. Contact Merle 58315601 or Betty 58211558 or any Guild member
EMERGENCY FOOD
As the months get colder so does the need for emergency food. Items that are particularly appreciated are 50gram tins of coffee, 250gram Kraft cheddar cheese blocks, small Vita Brits, litre cartons of long life milk, 1kilo packets of sugar.We appreciate parishioners donating to the emergency food cupboard. Nearly all of the recipients of our parcels appreciate it even more. Thank you.
DIOCESAN SNOW TRIP
This takes place from the 1st to the 3rd of August. Plenty of food, and fun with young people from all over the North East. Applications need to be in by the 10th of July and fees and application forms are available from the Parish Office.
A.B.M GOLD COIN APPEAL.
Our “Spare a Gold Coin Appeal” is on again starting the 13th July for 2 weeks. PLEASE, put a gold coin in your pocket to help the Philippines with clean water going into their homes. This saves women and girls from carting water 5kms each way 3 times a day. We all take clean water as our right - but in the Philippines clean water is now a reality not a hope. As always I thank you on ABM’s behalf for your support. Hon Sec. Nola Brewer
GRIEF SUPPORT “MOVING ON”
Tuesday 8th July at 7.30pm in the Narthex Program to be advised next week
DATES FOR THE DIARY
July 8th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . “Moving On”/Grief Support Group
July 9th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vestry 2pm
July 11th & 12th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Evening Guild Garage Sale
July 16th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Parish Council
July 15th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Friendship Group
July 17th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Evening Guild 1.30pm
July 20th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Ecumenical Service at Dookie
July 26th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garden Working Bee
Aug 1st - 3rd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Diocesan Snow Trip
Aug 16th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mens Breakfast
Aug 20th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Parish Council
Aug 21st. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Evening Guild/Postie Party
Aug 30th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garden Working Bee
Aug 30th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wedding 1.30pm
Sept 17th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Parish Council
Sept 18th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Evening Guild/Den
Sept 27th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garden Working Bee
Oct 4th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wedding 1.30pm
Oct 5th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . St. Francis Tide Pet Service
Oct 7th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Visit of Gippsland AWA Eucharist & Meal
Oct 12th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125th Anniversary Celebrations - Katandra
Oct 15th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Parish Council
Oct 19th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .St Luke Day for Health & Caring Professionals
Oct 25th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Garden Working Bee
Oct 27-30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Clergy Conference
Nov 1st . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .All Saint’s Day
Nov 2nd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . All Soul’s Day
Nov 8th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Parish Fair
Nov 15th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Mens Breakfast
Nov 19th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Parish Council
Nov 20th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Evening Guild/Narthex
Nov 22nd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wedding 2pm
Nov 29th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garden Working Bee
Dec 17th. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Parish Council
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
At the beginning of each month this list is cleared and ALL names need putting down again on the list in the narthex and signed in. No names should be listed without a person’s permission. The list for names of those to be prayed for is kept in the top drawer of the little plastic box of drawers on the narthex table..
Liam Bognar, Joshua & Nicky Cavill, Kylie Butterfield, Alison Baldwin, Jack Cook, Bernie Dreher, Donna Dyson, Jean Eden, Andrew Fox, Richard Goodfellow, John Green, Frank Harder, Charlie Keen, Joan McRae, Lyn Mawson, Sophie Mould, Margaret Neaum, Margaret Noble, Albert Oxenbury, Ellen Pearson, Bev Ralph, Jan Riches, Kevin Richards, John & Betty Shortridge, Eva Swindells, Lorraine Townley, Wes & Sue Tyson, Heather Vines, Lorraine Vogul, Bill, Brigid, David, Darren, Glenda, Layla, Michael & Amanda, Rae & Kevin, Carolyn & Stuart,Peter, Amanda.
Rest in Peace:
Annie Donaldson, Marj Malcolm, John Moore,
Mark Wellman
Anniversary of death:
Elsie Cloak 21st, Michelle Ward, Ethel Woods, Elizabeth Garner 30th Elizabeth Malcolm, Joan Galt 3rd, Beatrice Purdey 4th, Winifred Tobe, John Hutchinson, Claudine Tuttle, Ernest Pleming 5th..
READINGS for 6th July
Genesis 24:34-67 & Romans 7:14-25
Duties for 29th June 2008
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Heather Pearson, Bev Condon
Readers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Noonan, Andrea Fisher
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Beth, Michelle, Phillipa
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter, Sophie, Daniel
Intercessors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather Fitzgerald, Andrea Fisher
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Horder, Carole Henderson
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ., Bev Condon, Jenny Pleming
Welcoming 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bev Reither, Joyce Cavill
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nola Brewer, Frank Steen
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bev Ralph, Max Ralph
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Charlotte Brewer, John Pleming
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Heather Pearson
Welcome Tbl 8.30 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Cook
Mowing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .no mowing
Duties for 6th July 2008
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Norm Weaver, Carole Henderson
Readers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Charlotte Brewer, Christine Jones
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beth, Michelle
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Helen, Tom. Daniel
Intercessors. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Celebrant, Christine Jones
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .John Horder, Bev Condon
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carole Henderson, Greg Pestell
Welcoming 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Bev Ralph, Shirley Dean
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Charlotte Brewer, Sandra Simonis
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gwyn Cowland, Merv Cowland
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Nola Brewer, Alan Akers
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Val Rose
Welcoming Table. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Margaret Hoare
Mowing 5th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .John Pleming, Rick Coates
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Monday 30th June Rector’s Day off
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Tuesday 1st July
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
12.15pm Simply Soul Soothing
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Wednesday 2nd July
7.45am Mattins only - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Thursday 3rd July
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
9.30am Tarcoola Eucharists
11.00am Eucharist - Harmony Village
3.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
5.30pm Choir Practice
Friday 4th July
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
11.00am Mercy Health
Saturday 5th July
7.45am Mattins only - Lady Chapel Trad Rite
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist
Sunday 6th July
8.30am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
10.30am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
8.45am Eucharist - Dookie
10.45am Eucharist - Katandra