FIFTEENTH SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST
25th September 2011
Graphics and cartoons & liturgical material appear only in the printed version
SHORT NUMBER ONE
Question: What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh, and Attila
the Hun have in common? Answer: Their middle names.
SHORT NUMBER TWO
Two pine needles were walking through the forest when a hedgehog ran past them. The one said to the other, "I didn't know there was a bus service here."
THIS, THAT
AND THE OTHER (15)
Andrew Neaum
I submitted my application for Australian Citizenship last week. Having been in the good land of Oz now for a mere twenty seven years, it still seems a little premature, but I can be a daring and courageous fellow at times, and so take the plunge.
Mind you, walking down Wyndham Street last week behind two very young looking policemen, I noticed with still very British surprise the revolvers hanging aggressively from their hips. I think the following joke is meant to be more sympathetic to them than to English policemen. It comes from a friend who lives in England:
Question: How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?
Answer: First, lets pose the following question: You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
A British Police Officer: Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility, and the loss of my family home?
An Australian Police Officer: BANG!
An American Police Officer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click'.... (Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: ‘Nice grouping!')
Anniversary verse
For our wedding anniversary daughter Ray sent us the following lovely and amusing piece of verse by an American Poet called Jeffrey McDaniel. Among all the unutterable rubbish being passed off as poetry there is still so much good stuff about!
The Quiet World
In an effort to get people to look
into each other's eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn't respond,
I know she's used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
You are wrong Johnny Price
John Price took pleasure in pointing out to me that in my last week's diary column there was an error. I had claimed to have passed through Maffra on my way from Jindabyne to Pamubla, and Maffra, he informed me, is in Gippsland, not New South Wales.
Well John Price, as is usually the case, is wrong! There is in fact a little township called Maffra in New South Wales and we did indeed pass through it. For his information and education its latitude is 36.542, its longitude is 148.968 and it is 138 kilometres south of Canberra. I suspect that I am destined to become a better informed Australian even than John. When I am subjected to the prospective Citizen's Test, and I cannot answer a particular question, I shall boast in mitigation my awareness of there being two townships called Maffra in Australia.
Another response to last week's column came from England, in the form of an email from a friend of many years standing and a thoroughly good egg who has recently turned from Anglicanism to Eastern Orthodoxy. His comment was in response to my musings upon our encounter in Batemans Bay with happy clappy worship and our struggle here in Shepparton to make the 10.30am Sunday Eucharist more culturally relevant:
How right you are in Ipswich
Yes, you have a reader in far-off Ipswich...
As an Orthodox Christian (for so I consider myself, at last - I have not attended an Anglican service since 17th July) I attend the Divine Liturgy at (usually) the Monastery or (occasionally) at St Helen's in Colchester. In both, there is 'all-age' worship in a timeless ritual that makes no concessions to modernity and is conducted in half-light. No guitars or organ; instead, age-old chants, a mixture of English, Greek, Russian, and sometimes French or Romanian. Children (well behaved), teens and other young people, adults of all ages, an atmosphere of intense reverence and prayerfulness. Icons are devoutly kissed, reverences made, and there is much crossing of oneself - done carefully and correctly, in the Orthodox manner, by all ages. No gabbling and chattering in Church. Every Holy Liturgy is a powerful experience, as it has been without exception for the sixteen years I have been attending them regularly, and as I remember from my youth when I nearly converted.
I have a wonderful sense of liberation - no more Anglican Agonies!
Eleven years ago I attended the monastery he mentions with him, and the worship was indeed lovely, a balm to my soul. Any flirtation with happy clappyness on my part is a matter not of taste, inclination or conviction. It is all grimly to do with "when duty calls or danger, be never wanting there."
Black watching
About eleven years ago I visited the museum of the Black Watch regiment in Perth, Scotland. It was there that it first struck me that the primary loyalty of soldiers in the British Army is more to their regiment than to their country. Many of their incredible acts of bravery, memorialised and celebrated in the museum, were obviously more inspired by a deep devotion to and pride in their regiment rather than by mere patriotism. This, I reflected at the time bears some sort of relevance to church membership.
When local churches grow really large, with great swags of parishioners, it is easy for individual worshippers to begin to feel unnoticed and anonymous. Once you begin to feel unnoticed and anonymous it becomes all too easy to drift off and away.
The great "mega-churches" cope with this problem by devising and brilliantly maintaining an elaborate network of small-groups into which every member is carefully knitted. A sense of "belonging" is thus granted to everyone, and so the drifting away problem ceases to eat away at attendance.
Traditional Anglican churches rarely become "mega churches" and I, being the sort of parish priest that I am and blessed with the sort of vocation that I have, would find such a church extremely uncongenial. Not least because the head minister of such a church has to be a manager more than a pastor, with no real and personal relationship with his ordinary parishioners.
However, even in a traditional Anglican parish such as ours, if we are really to feel a vital part of the parish's life, it is best to belong to at least one of the many groups that contribute to making the parish a vibrant whole.
Members of the choir, for example, have a personal loyalty to each other and their group that helps reinforce their loyalty to the parish and to God. Likewise the members of EfM, the Guild, the Friendship group, Youth group, and so on.
The Gardening Group likewise is a great source of joy, fellowship and common enthusiasm that reinforces its members pride in and sense of belonging to the parish and God. The gardens are looking splendid at present and one of our next projects is to refurbish the fountain in the garden on the south side of the church, to clear the stagnant pond and reline the watercourse to enable the merry babbling of water once again to grace the south side of the church. Once this is done we will put a plaque there in memory of Peg Galt and her husband. Peg designed the garden and help to maintain it in the years before we had the fine and large gardening group we now have, though Norm Mitchelmore, a vital part of the present group remembers providing Peg with much of the labour required for the garden's creation.
CONGRATULATIONS
Birthdays:
Dorothy Butcher 25th Sept
Bev Reither 30th Sept
Heather Fitzgerald 1st Oct
Christine Evans 1st Oct
BAPTISM TODAY
We welcome into the family of God today by baptism, James Andrew Nunan, his parents Joshua and Stephanie, family and friends
PARISH QUIET DAY
On Saturday 10th December, all parishioners are invited to a Quiet Day. It is a good opportunity, in the penitential season of Advent, to draw aside from the preparations for Christmas to focus on what it all really means. Further details closer to the time, but meanwhile mark the date in your diaries and don't let such an opportunity be crowded out by other, more frivolous, invitations.
PARISH FAIR & GARDEN PARTY
Do please click into gear for the Fair and Garden Party, which is one of the year's great parish events. In our Parish Fair we look outwards rather than inwards, revealing ourselves as existing for the community as well as ourselves, and as a live, active, open and happy family. We do not hold the Fair merely to raise money, it also helps define us and shows us who we are. The atmosphere, though sometimes hectic, is happy, loving and full of good will.
Delivery of non-perishable goods
The Parish Hall will be open from Monday 17th to Friday 21st October for parishioners to deliver items for sale - large and small (in-cluding jams and preserves). Trestles will be placed where goods may be put ready for sorting and pricing by stall-holders. (Please do not bring T.V. sets as they do not sell.) On these days volunteers will be on duty to assist during hours of opening: 10am to 4.00pm. Please telephone Pat (58313080) if these times are not suitable to you; a more convenient time will be arranged for the hall to be open.
Free concert
The weather on the day will determine the venue for the concert; either on the lawn in front of the Rectory OR in the Church.
Car parking
Stall-holders on the day are requested to park their cars on either side of McKinney Street.(unlike other years this street will not be closed.) The vacant land in Orr Street, used for parking in the past, is now not available. There will be no parking of cars in the Church Car Park.
Handbag stall
At the request of the very enthusiastic ladies at the Wednesday services, a Handbag Stall will be conducted. Enquiries to Jeanette Berry 0402740504
Toy stall
We will be running the Toy Stall at the Fair again this year and would appreciate don-ations of toys, children's books etc. These may be left in the narthex for collection. Many thanks. Christine Evans & Joy Campbell
Next meeting of the planning group
On Thursday, 6th October at 4.00pm in Roz's Room. All very welcome
CHRISTIANITY AND ISLAM
The material for the first session of the study comparing sympathetically Christianity and Islam is available in the Nathex. All those taking part please help yourself. The first session takes place in the Rectory this Tuesday at 7.30pm.
EDUCATION FOR MINISTRY
Recruitment: Our EfM group is going from strength to strength. This year we have been at capacity and are excited at the prospect of being able to run two groups next year, possibly one based in Murchison. You need no formal theological training, just an interest in reflecting on what is happening in your life and where this is touched by the story of God's people. It is NOT training for ordination, it is NOT asking you to DO more and it is SO MUCH MORE than Bible study (just ask any of the current EfM group)! It is facilitating, in a supportive, fun environment, your ability to know God better as He acts in your life and through the ministry that you are already doing. For more information, ask Helen or any of the current group.
OUTREACH
The next Outreach will come out before the Parish Fair so we can advertise this far and wide. Hence articles for Outreach need to be with Helen by Sunday 2nd October at the absolute latest. Leave them at the parish office or email to:
hmalcolm@bigpond.com
5th SUNDAY LUNCH ON 30th OCTOBER
The Combined Fifth Sunday of the Month Service at Murchison & Rushworth will be followed by lunch at Robert & Heather Smith's Home, Browns Road, Moorilim. Bookings are essential! Ring Anne 58262422 or 58262264. The cost is $20. All are welcome to a beautiful lunch & gathering
SENIORS WEEK: FACTS, FOOD, FUN
The Social Responsibilities Committee is planning and sponsoring an imaginative educational and entertainment occasion for the elderly including a lunch on the 5th of Oct. from 11.30am to 2.30pm. Book the date!
ANNUAL LUNCHEON
The Anglican Women of Australia Luncheon takes place on Tues. 4th Oct. at St. Paul's Anglican Church, Euroa. The Guest Speaker: is the Rev. Patti Matthews, the Luncheon $10, bookings essential. RSVP by 27th Sept. to Di Grant 57941720.
ST LUKE'S DAY
The annual service for health workers, volunteers and everybody who cares for others in time of need, will be on Sunday 16th October at 5.30pm. It will be an evensong service with Rev. Patti Matthews as the speaker and Dr Bruce Sterling playing the organ. Please start to invite your local doctor, physio, naturopath, police officer, community nurse, paramedic etc. to offer them an opportunity to refresh and recharge.
CONFIRMATION
Please pray for our confirmation candidates who preparing for their confirmation:- Brayden Coates, Jack Lear, Oscar Lear, Olivia Lear, Tessa Cummins, Mitch Macheda. Please note that confirmation classes are being held during the School holidays.
READINGS NEXT WEEK
Exodus 17:1-7, Philippians 2:1-13
FOR THE DIARY
Oct 1st Car Boot Sale/Christ Church Murchsion
Oct 1st Wedding 2pm
Oct 2nd Next Outreach deadline
Oct 5th Seniors Week: Facts, Fun, Food 11.30-2.30pm
Oct 6th Parish Fair & Garden Party Meeting/4pm
Oct 8th Weddings 10.00am, 2.00pm and 3.30pm
Oct 9th Pet Service 10.30am
Oct 11th Social Responsibilities Meeting
Oct 11th "Moving On" Grief Support Group
Oct 16th St Luke's Service for the Medical Profession
Oct 18th Clergy Conference
Oct 22nd Parish Fair & Garden Party
Oct 23rd Confirmation
Oct 29th Wedding
Oct 29th Garden Working Bee
Nov 12th Wedding 2pm
Nov 19th Wedding 1pm
Nov 19th Wedding 3pm
Nov 26th Wedding 2pm
Dec 3rd Women's Breakfast
Dec 10th Parish Quiet Day
Dec 10th Men's Breakfast
Dec 10th Wedding
Duties for 25th September 2011
Readers 8.30 John Wellman, Pat Griffin
Readers 10.30 Linda Prosser, Jenny Pleming
Servers 8.30 Beth Brewer, Michelle Woodyard
Servers 10.30 Jenny, Vanita, Valerie
Intercessors Carole Henderson, Celebrant
Euc. Assts 8.30 Bev Condon, Heather Fitzgerald
Euc. Assts 10.30 Joe Fernandez, Greg Pestell
Welcomers 8.30 Dulcie Ackland, Eileen Quaife
Welcomers 10.30 Nola Brewer, Charlotte Brewer
Sidespeople 8.30 Gwyn Cowland, Merv Cowland
Sidespeople 10.30 Mitch Macheda, John Pleming
Tea 8.30 Pat/Barb
Welcoming Table Beverley Walsh
Mowing John Pleming, John Wellman
Altar Linen/Sept Bev Reither
Duties for 2nd October 2011
Readers 8.30 Norm Weaver, Carole Henderson
Readers 10.30 Peter Martin, Mary Pearson
Servers 8.30 Beth, Michelle
Servers 10.30 Greg, Joe, Zeb
Intercessors Heather Fitzgerald, Joan McCann
Euc. Assts 8.30 Heather Fitzgerald, John Griffin
Euc. Assts 10.30 Greg Pestell, Jenny Pleming
Welcomers 8.30 Anita Saville, Gwen Betson
Welcomers 10.30 Jenny Moran, Frank Steen
Sidespeople 8.30 Bev Ralph, Max Ralph
Sidespeople 10.30 Jenny Moran, Charlotte Brewer
Tea 8.30 Gwyn Cowland
Welcoming Table Judy Lloyd
Mowing None this week
Altar Linen/Oct Gwenda Betson
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
Margaret Aldous, Alan Akers, Deb Bagley, Liam Bognar, Joy & Ian Carmen, Stanley Carpenter, Ross & Helen Dainton, Frank Harder, Angela Hawthorne, Katherine Holt, John & Kate Horder, Kath Grills, Thelma Irwin, Ross Judd, Elsie Lieschke, Judy Lloyd, Bronwyn Mitchell, Margaret Kidman, Olive Paez, Albert Oxenbury, Ethel & George Rumble, Patricia Sparkes, Peter Swindells, Lionel Waterson, David, Peter, David & Judith, Kaye, Keith & Bonny, Lewis, Suzanne, Malcolm, Robyn.
Rest in Peace: William Higgins
Anniversaries: Roy Oxley, Herbert Lightfoot, Sydney Stansfield 26th, Elly Neff, Douglas Weaving, Nancy Cooke, Valda Groves, Beryl Law 27th, David Ross, Muriel Wright, Margaret Opie 29th, Vasilios Papadopoulos, Thomas Smout, Annie Broadbridge, Valentine Mackin, Thomas Royden 30th, Harold Walter, Valerie Carnegie, Nancy Clark 1st.
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Monday 26th September
(Rector's day off)
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
Tuesday 27th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
12.00pm Wangaratta Meetings
11.00am Shepparton Aged Care
4.15pm Confirmation Class - Library
7.30pm Islam Study - Rectory
Wednesday 28th September
7.45am Mattins only - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist - St Augustine's
6.00pm EfM - Roz's Room
Thursday 29th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
11.00am Eucharist - Harmony
5.30pm Choir Practice - Rectory
Friday 30th September
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
7.00pm Wedding Rehearsal
Saturday 1st October
(Associate Priest's Day off)
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
2.00pm Wedding
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist - Lady Chapel
16th Sunday after Pentecost 2nd October
8.30am Sung Eucharist - St Augustine's
10.30am Eucharist - St. Augustine's
8.45am Eucharist - St Luke's
9.00am Eucharist - Rushworth
11.00am Eucharist - Murchison
12.15pm Orthodox Baptism
1.00pm Grave Blessing
5.30pm Evening Prayer