FIRST SUNDAY AFTER CHRISTMAS
30 December 2012
Graphics and cartoons & liturgical material appear only in the printed version
MOTH BALLS
A man wandered into a doctor’s consulting rooms and asked if he could see the doctor. The receptionist was hesitant to let him in, especially as it was Christmas Eve and she was waiting to turn off the Christmas lights in the waiting room and go home; but he was very insistent. So the Doctor, having had completed all his consultations for the day and feeling in a ‘good will to men’ mood, agreed to see him. The man entered in a somewhat aimless manner and after a little hesitation flopped into a chair and looked nervously around the room. “How can I help you?” asked the doctor. “Well, it’s like this” said the man. “I keep thinking I’m a moth”. “A moth?” “Yes” the man replied. “I’m convinced that I’m a moth”. “Well I’m very sorry, but you’re in the wrong place. What you need is a psychiatrist”. “That’s what I’ve been thinking” replied the man. “Well, as it happens, I know just the man”. said the doctor “I’ll give him a call and see if he can fix an appointment for you after the holiday.” The man agreed and the doctor made the appointment. “Tell me” said the doctor “It must have been very apparent from the sign outside that I’m a general practitioner. So if you already know you need to see a psychiatrist, why did you come in?” “Well” the man said in a resigned voice “The door was open and the lights were on .....”.
THIS AND THAT (65)
Andrew Neaum
It is late as I settle down to this post Christmas pew sheet. The last one of 2012. Normally by this time in the week it is already printed. Here I am on Friday afternoon just starting my part of it. Woe is me.
Putting my feet up
The task is made all the more daunting by a feeling of lassitude brought upon by a busy week. I keep falling asleep at the keyboard, waking with a start and then having to correct several lines of nonsense typed in the surreal no-man’s land that lies between being awake and being asleep. I fancy putting my feet up, pouring a glass of wine and reading the Christmas Double Edition of “The Spectator” rather than writing this pewsheet. Though I do love writing, especially when the ideas begin to flow so fast my fingers lag behind. Ho hum.
Instead of putting my feet up, I got on my bike to deliver a letter. We have a Parish Secretary these days who dislikes spending money unnecessarily on stamps, when a vigorous pedal, as well as cutting costs yields all sorts of extra dividends as well, like waking up the Rector, getting his blood flowing and muscles working. I still fancy putting my feet up, pouring a glass of wine and reading the Christmas Double Edition of “The Spectator” rather than writing, but I no longer fall asleep.
Christmas and boredom
The Christmas services went smoothly and well. The 5.30pm Children’s Eucharist on Christmas Eve is these days far and away the best attended of them all. It is indeed a happy little service, though it would do little to satisfy me, were I pew-fodder rather than Rector.
I would want, need and demand some sort of intellectual stimulation in the form of a reasoned homily as part of my Christmas, not just a kid’s talk. To attend only a children’s service would be like foregoing the turkey, ham and savoury courses of a Christmas meal and having just the dessert. Perhaps even adults these days consider the Christian narrative to be merely a child’s tale and so a children’s service more authentic than any other.
Midnight used to be a service that featured a good mob of very irregularly attending, all but nominal Anglicans. There would be Mums and Dads with a clutch of reluctant older children prepared to go along with the wishes of their parents once a year. Not so any more. Children are not prepared to face even a soupçon of boredom and quietude merely at a parent’s behest these days. Indeed sweet boredom is considered intolerable by almost everyone. In days gone by school teachers were not at all afraid of inflicting slabs of boredom on their pupils. Nowadays constant interest and stimulation is de rigeur. Yet what greater stimulation of the imagination can there be than a dose of boredom? “Come to Church to be bored, it is good for the imagination” I would like to scream from the roof tops. Am I bonkers?
Painted tootsies
We spent a lovely second-half of Christmas Day, as well as most of Boxing day, in Benalla. All the cooking had been done for us by Elizabeth and how lovely it was to share Christmas with three little granddaughters in their home setting. Hetty learned to crawl on Boxing Day. Her curiosity was roused first by a bottle beer on the floor and then by the Christmas Tree. She began like a chameleon, swaying forward, back, forward back, and then reaching out and lunging forward pulling herself along. In a matter of hours she was dangerously mobile.
I had to wear shoes for the funeral of Michael Egan. On Boxing Day we did a great lot of painting for Nathan and Elizabeth and my feet were covered with paint enough for them to be distracting to worshippers if uncovered in my customary sandals. My feet hate being constrained by shoes.
The best job in the world
I was asked recently by a disillusioned retired priest why I remained one. Not least because it is such wonderful fun! The major part of parsoning is not listening to the evasions and excuses of residual Christians or listening to the lies of parents and godparents at baptisms. Not at all. Rather it is visiting Glenda, Lucy, Eileen, Mary, Noel ....... courageous, humorous people who manage still to love and smile in great tribulation. It is sitting in a dark chapel early in the morning reading George Herbert's or Elizabeth Jennings’ verse and Peter Levi's prose and then celebrating love in the Eucharist. It is listening to the bereaved tell of their love for a lost one with affection and joy around a kitchen table. It is composing irreverent articles, pieces of verse and nonsense for this pew sheet, the radio or whatever. It is wrestling with scripture, truth and difficult questions in sermons. It is encouraging Emily and Jenny as they tackle a duet or it is struggling over a new and challenging anthem with our game and irrepressible choir. It is attempting to impart the faith to lively confirmation kids who are often very funny and also reverent in irreverence. It is shaping and making sense of the Christian Faith in sermons. It is sitting on the chancel step surrounded by children at a well attended family service or saying a prayer and lighting a candle for little Hannah's mouse, David's grandparents and so on. It’s being responsible for a lovely church building and living in an excellent house with a leafy garden. It is being custodian of a tradition and faith and truth that makes sense of existence and which is worth throwing to swine to trample on because no trampling can destroy it and the gleam of a pearl in muck sometimes changes the outlook and life of a materialistic, muck-and-money- grubbing swine!
There is much, much more, but fancy being paid to do all this! Being a parson is a privilege. There is no other job like it. Its variety is endless.
Cheaper funerals
An old sparring partner of the parish died recently. It would be stretching things to call him a friend. He would phone me not infrequently at awkward times, like in the middle of a favourite television program, to ask me to get him a KFC meal for him. When he did this my feelings toward him were more murderous than friendly. I was fond of him nonetheless though, in a sort of love/hate way.
He died with nothing whatsoever in the bank and so I can thank him for introducing me to an unusual, very reasonable and so fascinating Undertaking business, of which I had not heard: “Victoria’s only Not-For -Profit Funeral Company”.
The deceased’s family had been advised to contact “Bereavement Assistance Funeral Services” who then contacted me. I discovered that the firm is run by an excellent and kindly fellow called Mick Dawson who used to work for Mohan’s here in Shepparton and whom I like very much. Although based in Melbourne the firm covers all of Victoria and it is really and truly “not-for-profit” .
They do funerals of all sorts and types, not only those of the very poor. If on a conventional funeral they happen to make a profit, the money goes towards funding those who have nothing.
For what used to be termed “paupers funerals” St Augustine’s does not charge anything at all. Indeed, given our Gospel imperatives, a “pauper’s” funeral needs to be as carefully and meticulously arranged and performed as a millionaire’s, if not more so.
Bereavement Assistance, as I say, do not limit their services to the poor. The fee they quote for a “Dual Service, from Church, Cemetery, Chapel or other location to Cemetery or Crematorium” is “from $2,300” to which Crematorium or Cemetery fees have to be added. This fee includes: the professional service fee for two venues, a death certificate, mortuary care, transfer of deceased (metro only), funeral notice, viewing, polished coffin, silken floral tribute, and memorial book....”.
This is all very reasonable, and Mick assures me they operate anywhere in Victoria, though they do not advertise. Further details are available from the Parish Office or Rector.
the continuation of an edited diary from our time in England and South Africa earlier this year.
Flying into Capetown from Johannesburg we headed into a strong head wind and so were about half an hour late. The country appeared brown and desolate-looking below, until we approached the Cape and began the descent. The mountains had a dusting of snow on them and the valleys between were beautifully green from good winter rains. This beautiful part of the world still looks inviting, even from above, with all the sublimity of altitude and rugged texture removed from being viewed from so great a height.
We were met at the airport by my sister Sue and her husband Bob and drove to their home in Muizenberg talking animatedly. It was good to be back with them after two years. We shared a cup of tea and then Diana and I went for a long walk on the beach. The Sunday flea-market was in full swing with great lots of cars and people, but the beach itself, with the tide in, was not at all crowded and there was a chill wind, though the sun shone beautifully and the mountains, as always, were sharply outlined and very beautiful against a pale blue sky.
On the way back past the flea market, we stopped to listen to an African band: three marimbas, one a treble, one in between and one a bass. Great and tuneful music played with zest, the fellow on the treble marimba clowning about as he played his intricate rhythms.
For dinner there was a huge buffet spread including favourites like samoosas and spicy meat balls. Sue’s daughter Pam, her husband George and their young son Josh, were present as was Sue’s son John and his wife Debbie. There was much lively talk, John is a civil engineer and still appears very happy to be a South African, as I think are all of them really. His two sons are great sports men and one of them is very likely one day to be a member of the Springbok cricket team. He hopes to go to Cape Town university in 2013. It was a lovely evening during which George fixed up Bob’s computer which has a strange internet setup involving a dongle, which means I will only be able to access the Net by way of his actual machine, not my own.
Monday 3rd September 2012
This morning we had a latish breakfast and then made phone calls to contact the shipping people and the diocese of Table Bay, of which Tristan da Cunha is a part. We discovered that our payment in England of the fare to Tristan from Cape Town has been successful and that we should go down to “East Wharf” to sort ourselves out with tickets and boarding passes. This appears to be done by actually going to the ship with our passports and asking for the purser.
Our phone call to the Diocese revealed that Marlene, the Bishop’s secretary was not in, but we found out how to get to the diocesan offices for an interview with the bishop tomorrow. We then went off by car on a reconnaissance mission to find the diocesan offices so that tomorrow, when we go for the interview we will not be late because of not being able to find our way. The Diocesan offices are in a slightly seedy looking, but not unattractive, set of buildings where “District Six” used to be, and so originally they were a part of that colourful quarter destroyed by the old South African authorities, to their shame.
We had a chat with several people there, interestingly establishing that John Suggit, the Warden of St Paul’s Theological College when I was there in 1973 ,is still alive and writing in his nineties. I must give him a ring. We then went on to find East Wharf, only to discover that the Agulhas II was being refuelled and so not there! However it should be there tomorrow, so after seeing the bishop we will head back to the wharf now knowing the way. We did get a good view of the ship from the road as we drove back. It does not look huge, but nor is it a tub.
We made our way back to Sue and Bob’s home by way of a huge shopping mall, one as good to look at as any I have seen, tastefully and imaginatively designed and executed. We looked for a book of prayers for Lars on the island, but of course had no luck.
Bob and Sue have several electric plugs that will accommodate one of those on our multi-adapter, and so we won’t have to buy one to take to Tristan where apparently the old fashioned round pin plugs, as here in South Africa, are still in use. We have taken 2000 Rand off Bob for now, and will return anything left over or ask for further as needs be. We will either return it to him from Australia or save it for their son Robert to use should he, on his way back from New Zealand, call in on Australia. Elvis, Bob and Sue’s great, lumbering dog is as big and healthy as ever. He recently had to have to have an operation to extract a great lump of kelp he’d eaten, one of his eccentric predilections, and which wouldn’t pass through him or digest.
Ambergris
This reminds me of a fascinating book review I read in one of Rachel’s magazines “The Literary Review”, all to do with ambergris. This strange substance, with which up until then I was only vaguely aware, is apparently excreted as small or large lumps or balls by sperm whales. These lumps consist essentially of the indigestible mouthpieces of the whale’s staple diet, squid, incredibly densely compressed. Once passed these lumps float the seven seas for ages, oxidising in the light and salt water on the outside, but retaining their unforgettable and pungent odour for years and years. Hugely valuable, about a thousand dollars a pound, they are still used to fasten scents in the perfumery business.
Tuesday 4 September, 2012
It is a lovely sunny day, but cool in the shadows or breeze. A good night’s sleep too. We are now waiting to go to town to see Bishop Garth and then on hopefully to acquire our tickets on the boat. Last night I cooked a whole beef fillet with rosemary-flavoured fried potatoes, peas and mushroom sauce, very good. We talked and teased a great deal with lots of family reminiscing, and much about the trip Sue and Bob made up the west coast of the Cape with our brother Pete and Sue when they were here earlier in the year. After breakfast we headed off to Zonnenbloem, the diocesan headquarters. The old and slightly decayed buildings date from about 1850, some of them possibly older. The site is much desired by developers and the sole trustee is the Archbishop of Cape Town.
Marlene, the Bishop’s secretary is delightful and very friendly. She welcomed us warmly, offered a cup of tea or coffee and after a while we were ushered into the office of Bishop Garth, with his archdeacon Horace as support.
It proved to be a delightful and relaxed interview with much talk of the diocese, theological training, John Suggit and more. It took us ages to get on to the subject of Tristan. The Bishop is off to Hull soon on a reciprocal visit to do with Cape Town’s twinning with the Diocese of York. He is a man in his fifties and although very much a man of the Cape has only the mildest of South African accents, he is the son of a teacher. He has written us a letter indicating that we are working for him on the Island and he gave us a book that might be useful to Lars in his work as lay reader there. He appears most grateful for our offer to visit and do some work on the island and I promised to write a report for him. We will also feature in the diocesan paper. All amicable and positive.
FROM THE REGISTERS
Birthdays:
Bill Kuehnapfel. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 Dec
Bob Galt. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Jan
Lesley Wells. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 Jan
Kay McGregor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Jan
Jeanette Smith. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Jan
ST PAUL’S RUSHWORTH
Combined Evening Eucharist and Meal
30 Dec Sunday 5pm
Join a good mob of us tonight for the ‘Almost New Year Celebration’ when Rushworth and Murchison invite everyone to join them at 5pm in Church followed by a delicious meal after in the Hall. It is never to late to book in. Please contact Phil Lowden 58 561 513 or Dawn Wilkinson 58 561 768 for numbers Tickets $20 including raffle ticket
THE ENNEAGRAM AND SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
Fr Rob Whalley plans to run a study group on this book in 2013 and is asking for expressions of interest. The Enneagram is a psycho-spiritual tool involving 9 personality types. We studied the Enneagram this year in EfM and also at the lay retreat in April. It is something I (Helen) have been interested in for years and found very useful for my own development, as well as in understanding other people.
The study group is advertised in the December Advocate – the location and dates will depend on interest. You can either contact Fr Rob or, if you have questions about the Enneagram to help you decide whether you’d like to join the group, you can also talk to Helen.
GRIEF SUPPORT: “MOVING ON”
At the very successful “Grief Support” Christmas party several folk indicated a desire to return once more to monthly meetings. So in early February we will crank up and purr into life once more. Watch this space.
FOR THE DIARY
Dec 30 Sun. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 pm Rushworth Combined Service & Meal
Feb 3 Sun. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cologne Chamber Orchestra
Feb 13 Wed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ash Wednesday & AGM
May 23 Thu. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4pm Raffle sub Committee Roz’s Room
June 02 Sun. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patronal Festival
June 13 Thur. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4pm Fair Planning Group Roz’s Room
READINGS NEXT SUNDAY 6 January
Isaiah 601-6, Psalm 72, Ephesians 31-12 (8.30 only)
REQUESTS FOR PRAYER
Betty Adams, Hilary & Alan Akers, Joyce Auldrige, Liam Bognar, Nola Brewer, Pat & John Griffin, Victoria Heenan, Bruce Hodgson & family, Mia Hogan, Katherine Holt, Edwin Johnson, Dos King, Elsie Lieschke, Colin Mackenzie, Helen McDonald, Bob & June McKellar, Lynn Morcom, Menique Richards with Shylah & Mitchel, Richard Ross Edwards, Ethel & George Rumble, Gary Saville, Lynda Saville, Suzanne Singh, Nicole Sleeth, Patricia Sparkes, Heather Steen, Janet Whelan, Joyce & Ray, Simon & Cheryl, Beryl, Lucy, Mitchel, Shenley, Tom, David, James & Rachel.
Rest in Peace:
Diane Henry, Michael Egan, Joyce Heily, Ken Neal, Fr Peter Jollife.
Anniversaries:
Rosaline Gluning, Shirley Pigdon, Ronald Pigdon(31 Dec), Lilian Walter(2 Jan), Bessie Dealy(4 Jan),Nancy Davis, Linda Maskell, James Crosier(5 Jan).
Duties for Sunday 30 December
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Norm Mitchelmore, Liz Gyles
Intercessor 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pat Griffin
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michelle Soibahn, Beth,
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Grace Sharon, John Horder
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gwyn and Merv Cowland
Welcomer 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Bev & Max Ralph
Welcome Table 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Cook
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Barbara Schier
Reader 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chris Evans
Intercessor 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Jones
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Olivia, Oscar
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Grace Sharon
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Pleming, Irene Crawford
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beryl Black, volunteer
Welcome Table 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Cook
Projector 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Black Family
Children’s Church. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Diana
Mowing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .none
Monday Office 31 Dec. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . none
Duties for Sunday 6 January
Readers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Heather Pearson, Bev Condon
Intercessor 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Victoria Heenan
Servers 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Horder, Soibhan, Beth
Euc. Assts 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Joe Pearson, Bev Condon
Sidespeople 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gwyn & Merv Cowland
Welcomer 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dulcie Ackland, Beryl Goodfellow
Welcome Table 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Cook
Tea 8.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Bev Reither
Reader 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chris Evans
Intercessor 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Jones
Servers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Volunteers
Euc. Assts 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Volunteers
Sidespeople 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Beryl Black, John Pleming
Welcomers 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gloria Wayman, Irene Crawford
Welcome Table 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Cook
Projector 10.30. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Sandra Simonis
Children’s Church. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Diana
Mowing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . None
Altar Linen. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday Office 7 Jan. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Rosemary Moore, Jeanette Smith
THIS WEEK IN THE PARISH
Sunday 30 December
2.00pm Sudanese Church Service
5.30pm Evening Prayer- Lady Chapel
Monday 31 December John Wycliff
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
5.00pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 1 January Naming & Circumcision of Jesus
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
5.00pm Evening Prayer
Wednesday 2 January Basil & Gregory
7.45am Mattins - Lady Chapel
10.00am Eucharist- St Augustine’s
5.00pm Evening Prayer
Thursday 3 January
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
5.00pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
5.30pm Choir Practice
Friday 4 January
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist - Lady Chapel
8.30am Narthex Breakfast
5.00pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel
Saturday 5 January
7.45am Mattins & Eucharist
9am-1pm Jacobite Orthodox
6.00pm Vigil Eucharist
Sunday 6 January The Epiphany of Our Lord
8.30am Sung Eucharist - St Augustine’s
10.30am Eucharist - St Augustine’s
8.45am Eucharist - St Luke’s Dookie
9.00am Eucharist-St Paul’s Rushworth
11.00am Eucharist- Christchurch Murchison
2.00pm Sudanese Church Service
5.30pm Evening Prayer - Lady Chapel